


Wasn't worth it

by LilibethSonar



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Dreams and Nightmares, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 04:12:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14441157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilibethSonar/pseuds/LilibethSonar
Summary: He couldn’t shake the dream off.





	Wasn't worth it

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! :3 I don't usually write in English but this tiny drabble kinda planted itself in my head in these exact words, so. Here we are. I thiiiiink grammar is fine (not so sure about punctuation though), but feel free to, you know. Anyways, hope you'll like it!

It started like heaven, her small hands on his tense biceps, his name soundless on her lips. She was half what he glimpsed in her memories of herself, half haze, hot, slick, willing, wanting.

_Rey._

She caressed his arms and shoulders, up and down, and there were no callouses on her fingertips. Odd. He knew for a fact that her fingers and palms would be rough. It’s when she reached for his face and he couldn’t feel her touch that he realized he was wearing his mask, her hands going down again, smoothing black sleeves of his battle attire.

The mask would not go off. There were no latches, no seam between metal and skin, his fingers hot and slick on his neck, his panicked breath caught in the modulator, Rey’s insistent, monotone moans in his ears, ever louder.

_—n._

_—n._

_Ren._

Ben woke up with a start.

He couldn’t shake the dream off. Couldn’t work because of it. The moment his concentration slipped, endless rows of numbers — regrouping, recruiting, coordinates, money — were turning into Rey’s lips, shiny with saliva, with the wrong name on them. His neck ached, and he kept picking imaginary reddish dirt from under his nails. Was that damned dream even so bad?

The part with the mask was… disgusting but not surprising: in the end he came to hate the thing. So, really, was it worse than an endless duel? Worse than a red saber in a red room? Was the thought of Rey, moaning the same name that Snoke called him, worse than her not being here? Worse than her not wanting—

him?

It was.

Ben knew she’d never care about him — so be it, but he couldn’t bear her thinking he was a monster. Not anymore.


End file.
